Last week was Ben's, Xue Mei and my birthday. haven't had so many birthday in a row all year round. today is Chermaine's birthday though. i still remember how i used to celebrate my birthday every year, year in year out different people are being present on my birthday dinners. this also mean the different group of people present in my life in this particular year. i still remember during one of the slacks, kim siong told me about birthdays. to see whether anot you are being appreciate by a person is shown on your birthday itself. how much effort is put in when that someone holds a value in your heart. i find it quite true though. out of the many presents that i receive, i think one of the best things was the little notes and cards. i read the cards that some people wrote to me, all those that is 'expected' didn't give me a note or anything but rather those i don't think will, did it. but some cards show that the effort i put in is not wasted. the hours of the nights investing into their lives. one thing i still truly believe is that i don't want to place people in my life on my schedule book and meet them cause i have to but also investing time in their lives and giving them the best hours i could. i don't believe that meetings marathon will make any difference in anyone's life instead it will just be a wasting of time. one thing that can be given away and never get it back again is time.

i still miss the times that i can hangout on weekdays and spending slacking hours with jeremy and kimsiong at a coffeeshop or a basketball court. stargazing is always best at north cc, and the people around me. but due to school, i am too tired to even get out of house other than going to scool. i have lost count the number of hours we spend on our heart to heart talks with various people, at least 6-7 hours on a weekend or hang out from morning 9 to at night 12 plus. the group seems to have expand since the last time when there are only the three musketeers. all the three musketeers agree that the times that we really bond together is the times that we spend together. back to the gifts, i really like the guitar capo alot. not about the capo but the funny note that was written on the plastic case. thanks LZ. WEWL!!!!

it has been such a long time since i have post on LJ. Things have been going around on a hectic pace for me. i have been busy with generations soccer event these few week. i have been thinking before the event that i am going to end off this year in a normal and dull manner, but gen soccer event definitely took a turn. it all started out from a vision of Pastor Paul, empowering Nic to do this event. starting off with getting all of us from different zones to work together, it is so weird when the team first met. most of us didn't know one another, chi koon thought i was in uni when he first met me. all we know is to trust in Nic and Pastor and lead us step by step through the event.

we had a long "preaching" session on our first meeting, Nic told us not to think that we are just a normal committee doing things that are lousier than the camp comm's(big scale event) or rather think ourselves as people who will make things happen and bringing salvation just by doing a simple soccer competition and most importantly sow a seed in the non-believers heart. we took off with this mission. Things were real bad from the start, we can't get the venue and almost everything was going wrong. on the third meeting, Pastor Paul was close to announcing not to do the event anymore. i can still remember seeing the discourage faces from the committee whom was close to giving up.

the following week turn out great.(it was the turning point of the event) the venue was being confirm(it suck up every cent from the finance and all was left was a deficit), everything seems to turn out well and it lifted up the morale of the team.(we concluded that someone must be keeping everything in prayer):) during all the planning and working things out, bonds start to form in the team and i made a lot of new friendships. after most of the meetings, we will go for supper. i really enjoy their company and started to know one another better.

the best part was, most of us gathered for supper on the last night at cartel. we named it "the last supper" we talk about things that are out of the world, we laugh and joke together, and being confident about the event. while nic was so stress that he had sleepless nights. we were told to fast and pray as we believe that God is going to do the rest as we have already done whatever we could. as a budgeted event, we didn't have excess money to buy styrofoam boxes(that shows how budget we are). chi koon, rauf, jasmine and i went out after the last supper to look for styrofoam boxes at tampines supermarket. it was 10:45 at that time. we look for boxes and we wash them together. to us it was the most fun experience we have ever had as this is our first time doing that at night. as a result we got home around midnight.

the big day has come, the event turn out real great, it seems like there is someone who is covering the event as the weather was very good. If it is not You then who. we really believe God uphold this event as it turn out very smoothly. we sold out all the drinks, 73 newcomers came to participate in the event, and the rain literally stop when we needed to pack up. when the event ended, all of us are all tired out, hungry and thirsty. but there is just a sense of satisfaction. on our way back to church we talked about how great the event turn out and how things have been real good for the team. after the event, i tidied up the loose ends of the finance. at the end of the day, not only we didn't face a deficit and we got abundance to return back to the church. That only prove how God has bless the event.

i have learnt alot from this event. i can also say this has been the most exciting part of the year. this event is only possible when we buy into the vision and work together as a team. there is no such thing as solo work in this. how the programmes and admin work together to do up timeline and printing of documents thing like that. how the finance have to go all the way down to town personally with the logistic head to buy equipment one by one. how i have to lias with church time and again for the sound system.(btw i am the one in charge of admin, finance, printing, designing and sound system) other words, admin take cares of all things. although somewhere along the process i got so stressed up and tired out. thinking back, i still believe everything was worth it seeing the event a success. All i want to thank is Pastor Paul for organising this event and God for making everything work out. Amen!:)

Avis 很累很累很累。。。

counting down 3 more days to end of holidays... just receive my new timetable. i am taking sociology instead of psychology this sem.. sad to the max. no more slacker life, busy time table.:(

I was taking alook at the old photos that i took in the past. i realise how much i have really change. this holiday is plain and simple. i had the chance to do student helper for cheap seal points. it was a relatively boring experience, but i met a primary school friend. i can't really recognise her. long time never see a bunch of secondary school kids out for a workshop with their boring faces. i remember how i used to drag my feet to those boring workshops and sleep my whole session there. i had a fun time these few weeks. i got involve in generations soccer tournament. i was quite busy as the person who was suppose to help me left for a trip to Cambodia. she is gonna be back tomorrow, that only means lesser workload for me. i never think that a sports event can have so much effect on geners until when i really sat down in the meeting hearing pastor paul and nicholas out. i was inspired by what they hope to see in that event, trying to use the event as a platform for geners to invite their friends who like soccer. although until now i don't even know how to play a normal street soccer game. O.o

this holiday, most of the times were spent on sports and movies. i have lost count the number of movies i watch. almost every week i get to catch a movie that was on screen. i played basketball like never before, but the recent weeks i haven't played for a while. i went slacking most of the days with my leng lui and lui zai. gotta make full use of the last week for a chance to really play until i go crazy. i haven't got a chance to sleepover this holiday, but i did thon recently with my good friend.

i guess i have to stop typing, i still got a long day ahead next morning. i am still thinking of whether to go for first. gen soccer meeting before service and VA after service. tata for now.:)

Counting down 13 more days to end of holidays.

不知道从何说起，我觉得这些日子一来让我想通了很多很多的事情。我记得我以前的思想跟现在完全不同。 以前的我，想东西的时候非常的复杂。人长大了， 不知为何很多东西在我眼里似乎简单化了许多。也许每个人的成长过程都很不一样。 没想到我也不例外。

it has been quite some time since i post an entry. recently alot of things happen. although these things make me real different (in terms of my thinking), i still want to organise my thoughts. after praying and consecrating, i believe it is time for me to do things practically. i plan to save up and go for a short trip by myself. i would like to gain something from this, i think what i really need now is to quieten down my thoughts and really think of moving forward. this is gonna be real soon.

it had been since some time i posted. these few weeks i just can't seem to organise my thoughts. today is an interesting day. i got so inspired by the Holy Spirit to write my best essay of the year. the idea came by when i was thinking about a friend of mine. i guess this essay will actually be my best work so far other than Keep Moving Forward! i have alot of ideas in my mind to pen down. i hope this will actually touch lives. if i finish it i will post it on somewhere significant. thank God for this inspiration. Amen!

it was an incredible day yesterday. I went for 3rd service for duty and afterwards second round with the younger ones in the cell. on my way back home i saw joanne. i was so happy seeing her, but i remember the fact. i really enjoy every moment with my old cell G2.3. they are so close like a family to me. without that first cell that i joined, i guess i will not stay on. but why must reality remain reality.

Today was a totally stress out day for me. completing wrtoral and the presentation make me feel so relax. i still remember myself yawning when on my way to school. i felt so relax that i ask ian they all to go for a impromptu movie with me.actually i wanted to watch that film long time ago. i went to watch ice age 3 with them straight after wrtoral. the movie was real funny, but sad to say there is no inspiration this time round. 

i took a bus back home. on my way back, i thought about a lot of things. suddenly a question flash at the back of my mind. Who has really made an impact in your life? i started to think and recall some memories. i found out that the most impactful statement that totally change my life was... i don't really want to reveal. ask me if you know me personally then. great day ahead for tml. Amen! :)

how many times in my life can i afford having regrets. i missed it big time again.

Ta da. finally my long waited imported laptop is here in front of me. i guess it was worth the wait for something that is good. heehee.
nearly done it again. i was so close of doing it. when i was holding the disc there is an evitable struggling at the back of my mind. this two questions pop up: 'should I?', or 'should I not?'

what happened in the end. i decided to put a stop, place the disc aside and shut down my computer for a time of worship on the guitar. sometimes i just have to learn to flee from temptations.

exams are over! time to spend some time with the peeps. i mean quality time, not myself squeezing into their schedule. i guess that is never a waste of time. rather than being there as it is part of what i am suppose to do.

heyheyheyheyhey!!!! new school, new environment, new start. First thing i want to say Q904 rocks. the people there are real cool, great people i have around me. (some are irritating.) studying subjects that i don't even know what are they. the only thing i know is just study finish, just whack. i am now on Q904 group convo. we even have a facebook group.

they may not be people with the best stature, but they sure are good people. maybe their langauge are not good to some civilised people out there, but at least they are decent.

i have to look forward, changes in mylife. gotta cope with it. disappointing part is, within this two tough weeks, who is suppose to be there is not there. mere words is never enough for me. actions counts. Q904 cheer me up, thanks guys. :) Amen!

i guess i am out of brain juice lately. things change dramatically, with that three points i can be in God's timing, i see it happening. i love the people around me. pst paul was saying that people who doesn't love hugs are missing out big time. even till now i still don't like to hug people. it is the kind of intimacy i can't take it. i prefer doing step by step. increase intimacy with my family then to the people around me.

it is always the natural and the spiritual. my spiritual life has been real good, new revelation everyday. naturally i still think i am fighting the alone war. in spiritual i have God with me, what about the natural. i really think that it is something i really lack in my life. great to live life don't even know what will happen next. who is the next person supporting me in the next phase of my life. so far so good, i have been always able to discern what season i am going through. no problem with that, in every season there are different people who have been around with me. it doesn't seem to be a repeat, random people. statistic always try to link people up. to me it is nonsense, what more can i get out of that piece of paper. face it, always superficial stuff. unless someone makes it happen.

i do statistic from the day i know how to work on the computer efficiently. there is nothing you can actually get out from a piece of paper saying a supposedly relationship. not pinpointing anyone, i see myself like that too. not talking about shepherd and sheep. i am talking here about the relationship (link) that is on paper doesn't seems to work out. let me put it in laymen terms. a team of people supposedly to work hand in hand for different things. on paper they have a link as doing the things to make something work out but the truth behind it is only to get the task done. maybe someone in the team is suffering, does everyone in the team know or only know how to add salt to the person's wound.

the fact is we are all the same, we have emotions. no doubts about that. imagine everyone is sensitive to this and are willing to do something about it. it always takes two hands to clap. that is difficult, =.= i find out that everything in life must give it a try, maybe at the next moment i can't do it anymore. who knows man. the fact that i can sit down and type is GG. not good game, but God's Grace. thank You Lord! Amen! >_<

i am very busy lately. i don't even have time to update my bloggy. finally now i can sit down and work on this post. i have just ended loudfest. the whole loudfest was relatively good. frankly speaking, i know i walk in the same way as i walk out of the conference. i had a chance to do all my three ministries together. it used to be one active tv ministry. now i got to helps and sound. suddenly my ministry life took a change. no longer being in just knowing one skill and acting upon it, instead doing all that i can. i feel like burning out when i actually tried chionging for all. i think it is tough but i gotta give it a try. i did sound for the girls workshop. i feel like losing my temper so many times when things aren't working out the way that they should be. that day was my most challenging experience that i ever do sound. i got to work with unknown people and some are leaders who try to be smart alecks trying to mess everything up for it. a few times i would like to shout at them saying that if you have no knowledge about it, get lost and don't block my way. spoil my mood for the rest of the day.

i have been spending time with different people. i have a few chances to talk to some close friends of mine. i confess that i do have things that i really struggle with. like the super difficult three points that i can cry to God that i think i cannot fufil any of it. i just try out working on that three points which i felt that i rather kill myself than even doing it. it is so difficult, it is really a challenge for me. i still have people who support me. i still remember someone telling me that she will die if she is my leader. i can see all my my leaders surviving well. i do feel that i am living different life from others. i mean i lead seperate life. not a lot of people tab into my life on weekdays but rather i see them on weekends only. most of them try to ask me this and that, i feel reluctant to reveal as i think they don't really play a part in my life.

recently, my self esteem seems to lower a lot.  some people say i change already, not as proud anymore. i don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. i prefer myself having more self confidence believing i can do everything, instead i tend to rely on them. i was thinking back about some things i talk to jan last night. could it be that people backslide because they felt being make use of and they would rather go to the outside world as they feel more love there. i was thinking of some things which i felt that even if i am being make use of is only by Jesus. make use is not a very good word, rather i would see it as serving the One who have give me so much more.

if everyone thinks that way, will they leave because of this reason. could it be that they just choose to leave. who knows man, only God knows. i am not feeling too well these few days. i have no money to hire professional nurse instead i bought two months worth of treatment materials home. just 4 days, i am feeling the side effect coming up to me. that is a sianz feeling, still counting down my days that it will end. even when at the downest moment you never forsake me once. thank you for your unconditionally love. Amen!